Thinking gets tired. It seems silly when we compare it with the fatigue resulting from physical exercise, but it is true, the act of reasoning is sometimes exhausting. Especially when you are researching for a doctorate.
I was always told that the doctorate would be the most difficult activity I would do in my life. Of course, it is an exaggeration, but I understand the expression, and the tears shed annually by hundreds of doctoral students around the world. I think the difficulty comes from thinking continuously, several hours a day and about subjects that are not brought up in casual conversation.
As a doctoral student, I did not find the first-year tiring, despite the constant travels, and practically becoming a Portuguese citizen. Traveling is what I like to do the most, and going back to the university environment, where I immersed myself in subjects such as qualitative research, statistics and methodology, was very interesting. I had contact with the academic universe and found myself a researcher at heart. I found a lovely path, so spending months studying the research on its own was good and light. That first year flew by, literally.
Photo by Jack Moreh (Freerange Stocks)
But here comes the great moment to start the field research. Well, I was warned that qualitative research is much more work, like a delicate and intricate craft. As I chose the case study, it was obvious to decide to carry out interviews. It was at this very moment that I discovered how exhausting it would be.
Performing an interview in any form is difficult. There are rules, and we are not about to chat or make small talk. Conducting an interview means never forgetting your research question, it means digging into hidden themes and details in every word they say. It is not judging or taking a stand, even when the interviewee cries or shows emotions that we cannot explain. And most importantly, it is discovering something new, among thousands of articles and theories that are represented by the questions we ask.
Coming up with these questions is an art, it requires a deep dive into theory, and at the same time keeping an openness to what the interviewee can bring back, what we do not anticipate, something precious, that will make us go back and review the whole process.
The interview begins before the meeting itself, recalling theory, and other conversation, and continues afterwards, by transcribing, reviewing, rereading and analyzing the dialogue. Following the interviews, what we have is a mountain of data, which first needs to be sifted, then polished into a new theory.
Each thought has the shape of a sword, which cuts deep into our minds, and makes us go crazy, for a while, talking about subjects that only interest us (and our advisors), to all acquaintances and family members. We are dominated by our thoughts.
Only when exhausted, and with saturated eyes and ears, do we begin to catch a glimpse of something that will transform our lives. Thinking, even if highly focused on a single subject, increases our perception of the other, our ability to listen and respond, our insights into life. I come out different with each interview.
Thinking gets tired. Truly. But it is beautiful, and I would not trade it for the world. The researcher who learned to use a tape recorder only last year is now a more whole human being, and at the same time immersed in humanity.
SCS
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